Thursday, August 25, 2011

Changes cont.

It's been almost 4 months exactly since my last post. I know I said then that I intended to write more & maybe put up some new recipes etc & I did nothing. Once again things in my life have not gone according to plan & it was just easier for a while to not think about things. I was pretty stressed for a while about a lot of stuff but I'm back to my usual easiness of just accepting that whatever happens, happens.

I do actually intend to write more now. I've been thinking I needed to write more & especially put up some recipes in the last few weeks but it's so much easier to just sit here & watch Stargate SG1 on Netflix & play Pioneer Trail on Facebook than it is to write or even type up a recipe. This last week though I keep going to bed with many thoughts swirling around in my head & it's taking me forever to get to sleep even when it's already 12-2am sometimes. So my plan is to try & write something before bed every night. I may not post it until the next day but at least I've written something to get it out of my head. I've also decided that this blog will not just be about eating gluten free & the food I discover & make or symptoms etc associated with Celiac Disease but about life as well. Life encompasses so many things, some days it may just be about funny things that happened that day, things I"m thankful for, or even many of the little things you learn or are amazed at as a parent.

I'm pretty sure most of my readers are Facebook friends so you all generally know what's going on but just in case I will try to fill in the gap a bit from the last post.

I did not end up going back to work. When I saw my OB the first week of May he wanted to know what was going on with my heart, if I was feeling any better etc. Because I had been seeing 3 different doctors about what was going on I had started to keep notes daily with my blood pressure, heart rate, the time of day & what I may have been doing right before I took the reading. I gave him the printout I had typed up & after looking it over he said that was it. I was done. I had just started the 2nd trimester then & they had been hoping once I got a week or two into it I would start to feel better but that hadn't happened. When I saw him I was starting my 3rd week in the 2nd trimester. Since with Keegan the heart problems didn't really even start until the 3rd trimester it didn't really look to him like I would back in condition to go back to work.

When I walked out of his office & up to the checkout counter I did not realize that he meant for good. I actually thought that he was going to just give me a few more weeks. When I got the note that said I would not be returning at all I had a lot of mixed emotions. In a way it was a bit of a relief just knowing that I wouldn't have any added stress. Part of that stress relief too was just knowing that I wouldn't have to try to drag myself into work even if I was in bad shape. I wouldn't be feeling guilty if I knew I just wasn't going to make it & had to call in sick. There was new stress that went along with that though, worrying what would happen after the baby was born but I did my best to keep myself occupied with other things just so I wouldn't have to think about it. That's partially where my TV shows & Facebook games came in. Anytime I sat in silence my brain would start thinking & I'd start worrying about this or that.

Thankfully I've come to adjust to the situation & accept that whatever happens along this journey is going to happen. There's not much I can do to change the outcome of things. I can't really do anything right now about things that "might" happen in the next few months so I might as well relax & just wait to see what does happen. I may make it sound so easy & some of you may think I'm full of it or how do I do it etc. By time this baby is born I will have been in therapy for 4yrs. That's how! LOL That first year alone I think I saw my therapist probably 30 times. I went once a week for a few months & then scaled back to twice a month. The last 2 yrs at least I've been going once a month & though I could probably stop going & I know my checking account wants me to stop going, it's really nice having that outlet & that place to vent completely about anyone or anything & not have to worry what someone might say or who I might offend etc. Writing is a major help but as everyone should know, be careful what you post online because it never goes away & words hurt.

So for the first month and a half to two months from when I was first put off work I was home alone pretty much all day until 5pm when Jon would pick Keegan up from my grandmother watching him & come home. Then since I was home & not going back to work it was decided that he'd be home with me but I managed to work out at least a 2 day break pretty much every week. Thankfully Jon has every other Monday off as well so some weeks I just have to worry about him 2 days a week.

Don't get me wrong, he's really not that hard to take care of. He's been mostly potty trained since the whole thing began, he talks extremely well & he's generally a pretty good kid. The problem is generally just because of how I might be feeling from day to day. I've had insomnia pretty much since this started so often I am up late & now especially I am awake almost every 2hrs to pee or try to shift positions. Keegan's day starts anywhere from 6-8am so some days I only get 5-8hrs of sleep maybe. Mornings are also usually the worst on my heart as well. Then there's myself who's hungry & him who's hungry & I can hardly get up & move around without feeling like I need to sit down because I'm going to faint or fall over. It's a pretty pathetic situation.

We've managed to adapt pretty well though & a few weeks ago I made some chocolate cupcakes & put a few in the fridge & the rest in the freezer. That has come in extremely handy in the last week or so because if I just don't have the energy to make us something I can go in & grab some cupcakes out of the fridge, make sure we have drinks & sit back on the couch right away. We also finally found some good sippy cups for him (OXO brand) & because he's become more independent we just make sure there is one with milk & one with water or juice etc on the bottom shelf in the fridge & he gets them "all myself".

He'll let me know when he needs to go to "little toilet" so I take his diaper off & he runs down the hall, puts the insert back in his frog toilet, does his thing & then if he does both he'll call me to show off & then we go to the changing table for a new diaper. If not then he just tells me "only pee pee" & crawls back up on the couch & I put a new diaper on him. He makes sure that Mommy has plenty of diapers stashed by her chair, I usually will tell him to bring me 1 & he brings me a handful :p

A few weeks ago he scared me at lunch as well with his newest independent thing. We told him it was lunch time & he was ready to eat so while I was putting something away in the fridge he crawled up in his high chair on his own. This week we finally decided to convert him over to a booster chair & he's loving that even more.

So the other topic in my last post was regarding the sex of the baby & how I was just certain it had to be a girl. The week after I was put off work we walked into Womb With A View, the lady just barely touched the wand to my stomach & said "Oh it's a brother". I was so disappointed, I said, "are you sure? look again!" It's pretty bad to admit but I shed a few tears because I wanted a girl so bad & I just knew it had to be one. It didn't take me too long to accept it though & we were already trying to come up with a name by the end of the day. In fact his name is not quite set in stone (Jon says it's his choice since I named Keegan) but what it is likely to be was the 1st name that popped out of my mouth & then the 1st name that popped out of my mother in law's mouth as well. I almost thought we were going to have a trifecta when my Mom started out saying the same words but ended up with a different name.

This does make things incredibly easy though. I kept everything of Keegan's & was planning to trade stuff that was definitely boy in for girl stuff. Now I don't even have to do that. I did get the box that had his newborn to 3 months clothes out & decided that almost all the frog stuff & several of his newborn outfits are going to stay Keegan only. Keegy was my frog & I decided this guy is going to be my monkey. We already bought the bedding set & it's super cute. In the last month or so we've picked up 3 different 3 piece clothing sets with monkeys. I'm planning to basically just register for diapers & other essential things like soap, lotion etc & then put on monkey crib sheets, blankets etc.

Keegan seems excited too. He said he wanted a baby sister & for about a month after we found out it was a boy he kept saying sister. Now it's his "baby broder" and if you ask what his baby brother's name is he'll tell you what is likely to be his name lol. He wants to see him & will pull up my shirt & pull down my pants until pretty much my whole belly is visible. He'll try to share his drink, his food, his wooby & other things with him. He'll rub my belly or kiss it. He even gave me an order one day. He's sitting next to me on the couch when all of a sudden he turns at looks at me all serious & says "Mommy, baby broder hungy, feed him, food, in dere kitchen, fridgerator". I died laughing it was just too cute.

 Loving baby at the end of April

About a month ago he was with us at my OB appointment & he heard the heartbeat & stopped & listened. Jon told him what it was & he was just in awe. So when we went back to Womb With A View a few weeks ago to try to get a look at the little booger I decided maybe we should get Keegan a stuffed animal with a recording of his heartbeat in it. So we got him a monkey & Keegan just loved it to death. He'll push it or make us push it over & over & tells everyone that it's "baby broder's heartbeat". Of course his brother did not cooperate, much like Keegan so we went back a 2nd time but still didn't really get any good shots of his face. What we did see however points to him looking very much like Keegan. Since Keegan went with us both times now he'll randomly announce "me see baby broder tonight" or "me see baby broder tomorrow". We chuckle & tell him no, that he has to wait a few more months when he comes out & then he can see him & hold him. Until then he can see pictures or Mommy's tummy.

Of course this is extremely long but then again 4 months is a long time between posts. But I'll wrap this one up & I think I'll continue later with an update on my 2nd favorite thing next to sleep right now & that would be food :p

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